Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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