i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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