Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
