Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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