you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
