the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
