i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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