not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
