member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found your dick twin last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
