Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
