maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
