Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
