She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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