i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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