He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize