Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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