so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
