respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
did i just pee glitter
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
