my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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