Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
