I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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