apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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