Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
