weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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