Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
