Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We are two peas in an std pod
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
