i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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