I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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