Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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