the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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