I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The best revenge is premature balding
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
