watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
