i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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