u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize