The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
