Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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