Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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