At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
