Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
