There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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