I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
