trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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