It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
