Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
