We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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