What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
