You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
