Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I supernannyed him into submission
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
