I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
