We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
