whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
