Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
