hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
