I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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