My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
