My sheets look like a crime scene.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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