Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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