i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
whose parrot is this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
