Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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