Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
