I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
