so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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