just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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