names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
