I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
be right there i have to get my cape
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
