JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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