The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
