sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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