So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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