peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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