dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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