I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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